I could put all kinds of crap here about how I’m pregnant, getting a divorce, getting a boob job, yadda yadda yadda and then go all
on ya. But that would be mean. So I won’t. I’m NOT pregnant. NOT getting a divorce. NOT (unfortunately) getting a boob job and yadda yadda yadda.
I am, however, apparently a marvelous artist. See? I painted this:
Seriously, I’ll give you a few minutes to compose yourselves. I know it’s beautiful and has made you weepy.
My friend Rachel (who IS in fact with-child… WOOHOO!!!) and I went to a little place called Dip N Dab where they guide you through painting your very own masterpiece, like the one you see above. (I know, I know, it’s lovely… stop with the compliments)
Side note: Rachel and I have been BFFs since WAY before the term BFF was even invented. We lived down the street from each other, went to school together, I drove her crazy ass to school in my awesome Cavalier RS (which stands for Really Shitty, though it wasn’t Mama and Daddy, it’s just a joke) and she was in my wedding! We’re like bread and butter. Peas and carrots. Vodka and OJ. Peaches and cream. You get it…
Back to the story.
Look, here’s Rach adding some finishing touches to her very own masterpiece:
Isn’t she amazing? And talented!
She spent the night with us because she had to work today and I’m pretty sure she’s going to have the most epic day EVER because she got to sleep in THIS BED:
The Force is with her. And her unborn child. Who will more than likely come out looking like Yoda (like all babies do) and (if it’s a boy) wielding his very own light saber that pees instead of lights up… all because his mother cared enough to sleep in this fabulous bed. They may even name him R2-D2 in the bed’s honor.
There’s no April Fooling here, just business as usual. Enjoy your day and don’t believe anything anybody says. (except me because all this is totally true, just ask Rachel)
On a really serious note, I AM very worried about my friend Becky. She posted a column today that is bothersome to me. You should totally check it out. (though not if the P word, F word or S word offends you).
(edited: I hope by now y’all know that Becky’s post was an April Fool’s post and she doesn’t really give her kids Hello Kitty wine. though it IS a great thought.)