Shoot, It’s Tuesday

Shoot, It’s Tuesday

Wait, there’s a subtitle, too.

It’s “AND I’M STILL ALIVE.”

Goodness, y’all. I feel like I’ve been mowed down by a rampant contestant in a lawnmower race at the Redneck Games.

Confession: I’m not a good patient. I repeat NOT a good patient.

And the husband? He’s a decent nurse. I repeat DECENT nurse.

By that, I mean, he was really great for the first 24 hours when I was knocked slap out. Once I was awake and could go to the bathroom without falling on my poor sore face, he was done, I think. Not bashing him. He’s not a nurse by trade (thank heavens) and since there was no obvious blood or stitches or whatever, why wouldn’t I be back to normal?

But at the same time, while I want to just lay around (and I do a good job of it) I’m ready to be back to doing my normal stuff. I can’t bend over to pick things up. (great excuse not to pick up toys and junk) I have to bend at the knee and squat which is oh-so-annoying. Ever tried to unload the dishwasher without bending at the waist? Try it. You’ll laugh. And then you’ll sit back down and give up. I promise!

Anyway, I feel bad that I missed having a Memorial Day post up yesterday.

There are so many Military people in my different circles now. Strange that there are more NOW than there were my whole childhood growing up in a town next to a major Air Force Base, but there are. People who are retired from the military, who currently serve, who are spouses of soldiers and are holding down the fort while their spouses are deployed. There are children of soldiers and unfortunately, those who have lost their lives fighting for our Freedom.

I’m working on a story that I think a lot of you will love, but I have information to gather first so I can make sure it’s fully accurate. Stay tuned for it.

For now, I’m going to go try to get a shower and then go get the keys to our house! Yay! I’ll take the camera and get some pictures, too. We’re t minus 2 weeks til moving day!! Get me OUT of this apartment and kill me if I EVER in my LIFE say that we can “just live in an apartment for a little while until our house sells.” Kill me. Seriously. I give you permission.

Photo credit: Maraker, Creative Commons License 2.0

The One Where I Don’t Show You a Picture of My Face

It’s also the one where I won’t show you a picture of me in my hot compression socks, gown and blue hair net.

So surgery went well, according to the doctor. It went well according to me mostly because I woke up afterwards.

Our nurse was so discombobulated, it worried me. She couldn’t find her clipboard or pens or anything. The best thing she told me was that I was not pregnant. Yay me!

We overheard the following conversation from another room and nearly died laughing:

Anesthesia dude: So we’re going to run an IV for fluids and anti-nausea meds and Propofol.

Crazy lady (spoken with SHEER PANIC in her voice): Oh my gosh, you’re going to use that Michael Jackson drug on me?

Anesthesia dude: Yes, ma’am. That IS what Michael Jackson was using when he died, but when used appropriately… (blah blah blah. insert facts about how it’s not a BAD drug and how that was just user error.)

Crazy lady: Well, is there anything else you can use?

They stuck the biggest, most ginormous needle in my arm for the anesthesia. I thought I would surely die. But I just went to sleep. And then I woke up. And then I somehow got home.

Jason’s been a pretty decent nurse, though ALL I HEARD yesterday was the sound of clinking plates and bowls. I don’t know how much he ate but it sounded like (in my drugged up state) he ate an entire meal every 30 minutes.

I luckily don’t look like I got slapped upside the head with a skillet but I feel like it. My face is really swollen and the gauze pads I wear under my nostrils are hot.

Sleeping with your mouth open because your nose is so swollen and stopped up is not cool.

And what’s up with not being able to swallow when your nose is completely stopped up? It’s nearly impossible. And then you get gatorade all down your shirt. And the steroid pill starts dissolving in your mouth. And then it burns and tastes like shit. WHY can’t you swallow when your nose is stopped up? Somebody answer that for me.

Enough rambly stuff. I should go now. Time for more meds and a nap.

 

Don’t Do This

Since I’m all broke down post-surgery and probably in a lot of pain and all percosetted up, I’m gonna link up with Mama Kat for the Top 10 Summer DON’Ts. (disclaimer: I wrote this yesterday)

Mama’s Losin’ It

It’s no secret that I hate summer.

Hate is usually a really strong word, but in this case, it’s not nearly strong enough. HATE HATE HATE.

Here are things that should never occur during the summer months. And to me, summer months equals mid-April to early November.

10. Don’t forget to wash the bottom of your feet if you wear flip flops on a regular basis.

9. Don’t say, after you’ve begged for summer during all the 6 weeks of winter we have here in Georgia, that it’s hot. You don’t get to complain.

8. Don’t forget your sunscreen. Need a good sunscreen that is pure, safe and beneficial? Check out Arbonne’s BefoRE Sun line (you can buy it through me).

7. Don’t let the summer go by without eating frozen grapes.

6. Don’t let the opportunity to run through a sprinkler in your clothes pass you by.

5. Don’t think about the fact that you can’t take off enough clothes to be cool. It’ll just make you mad. And that’ll just make you hotter and sweatier.

4. Don’t  miss those photo ops when popsicles are melting on your child’s face faster than he can eat them. Also, ice cream and popsicles are a perfectly acceptable lunch choice.

3. Don’t ride out hurricanes if you live in those areas. Dumb idea. Especially if you have children. You can come to my house if you must.

2. Don’t go to Six Flags. You’ll vomit from the heat and the smell of asphalt and pee. And you’ll ride a water ride to get cool and then get a yeast infection and jean shorts burns on your inner thighs from walking in wet clothes. And wearing a bikini bottom instead of underwear won’t stop this from happening.

1. Don’t invite me to an outdoor event in the middle of the day if you really want me to come. Make it happen at night. I don’t do the GA heat unless I’m in a pool the whole time.

Nervous Pre-Surgery Ramblings

I’m like 17 hours from being put to sleep. And I’m nervous about it. I’ve got such mixed feelings about this surgery**.

On one hand, it’s surgery. With general anesthesia. And IVs. Did I mention I don’t like needles OR being put to sleep?

On the other hand, it’s going to make me be able to breathe and it’s (according to the doc) an “easy” surgery.

I’ve sent the kid off to Camp Grandma.

I’ve got my antibiotic, steroid and pain prescriptions (yay Percoset… now I can see what all the hype is about) and my saline wash and my gauze pads.

The fridge is full of yummy stuff like grapes and gatorade and ginger ale (lots of G words).

But still I’m nervous.

What if I don’t wake up****?

What if I wake up and they’ve removed my ear instead of fixing my septum?

What if I wake up and don’t remember my name or how to write on this here fine bloggity blog?

What if I tweet something highly inappropriate in my pain-med-induced state? (oh, that’s right, that will be funny!)

What if I wet the bed while I’m under anesthesia? That will be embarrassing. But blog-worthy.

What if it doesn’t work and I’m still as stuffy and all as before? I think I’ll cry if that’s the case.

Sigh. Maybe I shouldn’t worry so much.

At 8am tomorrow, say a little prayer for me and for the doctor’s hands. I should be awake and back home by noonish. Jason will be taking good care of me and I’ll try to milk the attention for as long as I possibly can.

**************************************

** If you live under a rock or in my sister’s house where they still use encyclopedias, I’m having a septoplasty and turbinate reduction. AKA I’m having surgery to be able to breathe like you normal people without the help of a 10 time a day Afrin habit. (sorry, sister, I’m going to totally rag on you about that until the end of days)

**** If I don’t wake up, well, that will be bad. But know that I love you all and will see you on the flip side! (seriously, it’s always a risk one takes when being put to sleep so I want you all to know that!)

Wordless Wednesday: CARS 2 FEVER!

Wordless Wednesday: CARS 2 FEVER!

I’m just lazy. Well, not lazy. My sister and her 3 kids have been in our apartment for 3 days now. It was small before. Now it’s even smaller. She and the older 2 have been at a conference and the 2 year old has been with me and the kiddo during the day.

Sunday when they came in, they passed Perimeter Mall and saw ZOMG CARS 2 CARS! and had to stop. They called and Jason took Henry over. Thanks to State Farm (who we have our insurance through) for letting us download pictures without paying an arm and a freaking leg for them.

Look out June 24th. We’ll be stalking the release of the movie!

 

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