I was poking through my reader this morning and saw that my friend Morgan at Little Hen House has a new thingy going called Motherhood Exposed: Because Sometimes This Job Sucks.
I thought to myself, “Jana, there HAS to be something you don’t like about this whole Mommy-gig, right?”
And then I answered myself saying, “Well, of course, Jana, you HATE bath time for one. You should write about that.”
Hate it. HATE. IT.
I’ve hated it since day one. Well, maybe from month six. When bath time was a sweet, cuddly photo-op, it was nice. Like this:
When Henry was small, it was Jason’s job to do bath time. But at the time, he was working from home so it was easy. He and HL would hang out, splash around, play games, splash around more… it was fun.
Then Jason was working out of town and we lived separately (but not “separated”) for a year until HL and I moved to Atlanta. Bath time became all mine.
Well, to say that it was horrible would be an understatement. Most nights (still) go like this:
Me: Henry, it’s time to jump in the bath (shower these days).
HL: Not yet.
Me: Yes. You need to get in now.
HL: I’m not dirty.
Me: Yes, you are. You need a bath (shower).
(He agrees, comes to the bathroom, pulls off his clothes, throws them across the room, gets in the bath/shower)
Five minutes later after letting him play around for a bit.
Me: Hey, yo, it’s time to wash your hair. Let me have the shower head.
HL: No. I don’t want you to wash my hair. I put soap on it already.
Me: (Noticing that his hair is dry except the one spot with a clump of bar soap on it) No. I need to use shampoo and at the very least get the soap out that you put in.
HL: I’LL GET IT. (sprays the shower head towards his head but misses completely)
Me: Give me the water.
HL: GrrrRRRrrrrrRRRRRrr. YOU GOT IT IN MY EYES. OH MY GOSH I’M GOING TO DIIIIIIIIIE. GIVE ME A TOOOOOWWWWWELLLL NOOOOOWWW!!
Me: (sprays water directly in his face only to make him be quiet and quit being so dramatic)
Me: Wash your body. You have five more minutes.
Five more minutes go by.
Me: Alright, time to get out. Did you wash your body?
Me: Did. You. Wash. Your. Body?
Me: Ok. It’s time to get out. We’re just wasting water now.
HL: Just five more minutes.
Me: (Turns off the water and hands him a towel)
HL: (Drops the towel and runs off, dripping water all over the house)
Me: I quit.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat Nightly.