Time To Revamp The Calendar

Time To Revamp The Calendar

I’m not real sure how to go about starting a world-wide movement to revamp the whole seasons calendar, but I think it’s time.

Since Mother Nature went and hit menopause, things have just not fallen nicely into the neat little packages they used to. You know, where Spring was Spring and Winter was Winter. And let’s not forget Fall and Summer. They did what they were supposed to.

But not anymore. Mother Nature got her prescription to be bitchy and now it’s a big ole craps shoot as to which season you’re going to get on any given day.

Take for example, this Winter. Tornadoes in January? No freezing days in weeks. Bleh!

The entire country laughed out loud when that Groundhog said 6 more weeks of winter. The country collectively said, “What Winter? Has Winter even started?”

Seriously. Twitter blew up with people from all over — Georgia, Texas, California, Minnesota, Upstate NY, and even that crazy area above us, CANADA — asking where the hell Winter is.

It’s 70 here in Georgia today. That? That is crap, man. Our low tonight is what our average high should be — 58.

Not cool, Mother Nature. Not cool.

Here’s what I want to propose.

  • Seasons should be determined by the states. Give power back to the states (hear that Congress?). Georgia’s seasons obviously need to be different from Wisconsin’s.
  • Consider moving to a 3 season calendar instead of 4 since 12 is still equally divisible by 3.
  • Think about using the wisdom that Phineas and Ferb have imparted to most of us moms out there. MAKE SWINTER A SEASON. Spring + Winter = sheer brilliance. Then we could have Sprummer (Spring/Summer) and Summerall (Summer/Fall). Three seasons right there.

So let’s say we’re in Georgia (because I am).

Here’s how the calendar should look.

Swinter = December, January, February

Sprummer = March, April, May

Summerall = June, July, August, September, October, November

Or, we could go to a two-season plan and have it look like this.

Fawintering = 3 weeks in December and January

Summer = The other 49 weeks

The second option is probably the best for Georgia.

What would revamping of the calendar look like for where you live?



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  1. I’m not going to lie, I’m enjoying our warmer weather, (40s!) but I know I’m in the minority. I agree that Mother Nature has been slightly unstable this year, and it makes me nervous for the summer
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  2. Louisiana has four full seasons. none of them require cashmere or woll. We have the holiday season, Thanksgivings through New Year’s. After the holiday season, we have Super Bpwl season, which sometimes blends into Mardi Gras season, which runs from mid january-ish to Fat Tuesday. After Fat Tuesday, we have “fuck, it’s hot”, which sometimes blends with the early days of holiday season, when our cycle begins again. bwahahaha
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  3. Nicole Schuman says:

    How genius of you to think about that revamping your calendar. Anyways, we have only two season here, rainy and summer..
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  4. Last year NJ had the winter from hell, to the point where all I could do was dream about moving somewhere like Georgia. This year I just figured she was giving us a break. I will support any calendar that doesn’t have a winter like last year’s.
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