Dreams DO Come True

Dreams DO Come True

This email came through to me last night.

Thank you for signing up for the Rockettes event on Friday, August 3rd, at 7am, at Radio City Music Hall! This email confirms your space at this event. We can’t wait to see you there!

I’d be totally lying if I told you I didn’t tear up. And squeal out loud. And immediately call my 14 year old niece.

This is totally a dream come true for me.

Let’s back up a little… like to when I was two.

At two, I got my first pair of ballet shoes and started taking classes. I danced non-stop until I graduated from high school, taking ballet, tap, and jazz.

In 7th grade, I was a majorette and a cheerleader in 8th grade.

When I was a freshman, I was one of two freshmen to make the high school dance team — The Vespidaettes.

August, 1990, y’all! I’m 2nd from the left.

Dancing took me many places.

I went to camps during the summer, training with several professional ballerinas.

My dance team earned the chance to dance in two Cotton Bowls at NCA Camps.

I was invited as a senior, to dance in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Dublin, Ireland. My whole family went. (Shoutout to Mama and Daddy for doing everything they could to allow me to experience these trips.)

Twice I was invited to dance in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The first year, the 5 of us who went from my school were front and center. We opened the parade and it was AMAZING! The second time, we were almost front and center, in a group of 1000 high school girls. We marched the parade route and experienced the whole shebang.

There were two groups that, all my life, I’ve looked up to. The Rangerettes from Kilgore College in Texas, and obviously, The Rockettes.

I knew I would never go to Kilgore College, so my dream of being a Rangerette was dashed (although I could totally kick my hat like they could) (they didn’t call me Miss Dance America for nothing, you know).

But I did look into auditioning to be a Rockette. Crazy? Hell yeah. But why not?

Only… I was too short.

My hopes for being a Rockette were dashed, also.

In college, I took ballet from a wonderful man, Mr. Curtis, and kept myself semi-in shape. But now? Not gonna lie… I’ve let myself go.

I could blame it on grief, marriage, laziness, birthing babies, arthritis. Whatever. At the end of the day, I’m out of shape.

So it’s highly likely I’ll rip pull a muscle on Friday morning. It’s highly likely I won’t care one single bit.

I’ll be dancing with the Rockettes, y’all. Probably with tears rolling down my eyes from both joy AND pain!

 

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Anticipation

Helloooooo! It’s time once again for Stream of Consciousness Sunday!

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions, decision-making, planning, scheming, worrying, and anticipating for me. I’ll be able to tell you more later but it’s good stuff!

Anticipation… that makes me sing Carly Simon and now that song will never leave my head.

Since a lot of us are anticipating of lots of different things (school, BlogHer, new jobs, etc), I think it’s the obvious prompt for today.

Today’s (optional) prompt is: Anticipation.

Your five minutes starts now!

stream of consciousness sunday

When I was little, we went to Disney almost every year for my sister’s birthday. We won’t discuss how jealous I always was because I got stuck with a December birthday and she got dang Disney World.

The night before we would leave, we would always sleep in the same room. I don’t know why, but it was just what we did. We would stay up late, trying not to go to sleep in case we overslept. Even if we hated each other at the time, we tolerated each other for that one night.

We always got up way before dawn because we usually flew in my dad’s little Cessna. But if we ended up having to drive because of weather, we had time to do that, too.

From those times on, any time there’s something I’m anticipating and I can’t sleep or wake up so so early because of the excitement, I always say it’s “like I’m going to Disney World.”

That’s how I feel about BlogHer next week. I’m already itching with anticipation. I love the city more than any other place in the world and can’t wait to be surrounded by gobs of other bloggers.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar).
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

 

Thankful

Today I am feeling extremely thankful for so many things.

I’m thankful for people who are supportive.

I’m thankful for my energy healer (aka awesome therapist) who helps clear out the cobwebs when they get thick in my head and heart.

I’m thankful for a husband who is a cheerleader while I make some decisions (that I’ll tell you about later).

I’m thankful for opportunities. Both big and small.

I’m thankful for people, namely one twitter friend, who says things like this:

 every time I see you tweet I check to see how close to 9:19 it is

— lis (@LeLeIsMe) July 27, 2012

I’m thankful that Charlie sits on the shoulders of perfect strangers, nudging them with a Charlie kiss (9:19) every now and then.

I’m thankful for Legos and TV and colored pencils and paper, for without them, this summer would be a total disaster!

I’m thankful for the fact that, with each passing day, we are closer to fall and cooler temperatures.

I’m super thankful for good friends who call at the last minute, you tell them they’re going shopping with you, and then they help you find a dress so you can “own it” when you walk in a room. And finds it on sale. In a department store. And I don’t have an anxiety attack. You know who you are.

I’m thankful for not having died so far while trying to work through Couch to 5k. Just hope the half marathon in February doesn’t do me in.

I’m thankful for air conditioning and Starbucks and a little boy who still likes to cuddle occasionally.

I’m thankful for you (yeah, you) (said in your best Jake Ryan whisper).

 

Transition and Transformation

Transition and Transformation

I’ve been struggling lately with a lot of things. None of them are huge or of great consequence, but they add up over time.

Small things build up that cause me to lose sight of who I am and what I’m good at. I let my guard down and energy that’s unwanted invades my personal space. Tiny bits of information get trapped in my heart and soul and brain until the only way to let them out is to sit down with my version of a therapist and poke an imaginary needle in my arm and let it all come out in one giant WHOOOOOOSH! And that’s what I did on Sunday.

And it was the most amazing experience I’ve had in a long time.

Sunday night brought the best night’s sleep I’ve had in a long time. Monday morning, the world looked clear and full of possibilities.

Being very honest here, the Internet is a contributing factor to my worries, though not by any means all of them. It’s such an exhausting, confusing, mean, loving, and wonderfully amazing place. Those are unusual adjectives, huh? Real life is the same way, although people in real life don’t tend to say as much as they do behind the veil of their computer screens.

That said, I’ve met so many amazing people through my computer over the years. It’s opened up a whole new world of thinking to me. It’s made me realize that I’m not alone in my grief. I’m not alone in my fears for my family, especially for my son. I’m not alone in my beliefs, although I try to keep my opinions to myself. It’s taught me to be tolerant, loving, accepting, and kind. It’s taught me to think before I speak and to take everything with a grain of salt!

Social media has brought me joy and it’s brought me heartache. I get sad when a new “scandal” comes along and people say mean things – things they would likely never say to someone’s face. I’m sure I’m guilty of it, but I try really hard not to say something online I wouldn’t say in front of my mama. (good rule to live by, y’all)

I love when people come together to support others that they have never met after a loss, a tragedy, or a heartbreak. That’s when I’m reminded that there are still a lot of good people in the world. I often wonder how the days, months, years after Charlie died would be different had there been Twitter and Facebook at my disposal. I’m mostly glad that it wasn’t there because grieving in “internet time” seems to be far different than grieving in “real time.”

With each new story shared on Facebook, with each new “my way is the right way” comment on Twitter, I find myself hurting more and wearing feelings that aren’t mine.

Life isn’t black or white or extreme. At least my life isn’t.

I choose to live in between… in the color (though some call it gray, but that sounds depressing). I make decisions based on my knowledge and my heart. They may not be the popular decisions, but they’re well thought out and not rash or based on what others expect of me or my husband.

I probably won’t talk about every decision I make, because honestly, I don’t need the internet’s opinion. I won’t discuss religion or politics, because to me they are private matters. Just like school choice, money, where I eat chicken sandwiches and what activities I let my son be involved in.

Being online and hearing/reading everyone’s opinions, usually extreme ones, sucks the color out of my life. It’s just one of many things that takes the positive energy I work hard to keep in my body, and turns it into negative energy.

I want color back in my life.

Living life in color is one of my goals. I’m taking steps right now to get my colorful life back. I need to think for ME, and me alone. I need to tend to my family and home. I need to turn off my computer more and be present in my physical life.

I need to sit and allow myself to be content. I need to follow the path and let it lead me where I should be going.

I need to set goals, get outside, clean this house, start cooking supper again, and start finding the color.

I can see it already and it’s beautiful.

contentment

 

 

 

Moving On…

Moving On…

Over the weekend, I stepped away from Band Back Together after (right at) two years of service.

It’s both heartbreaking and freeing.

I’m so unbelievably proud of the work I have done there and look forward to seeing The Band continue to grow. Thinking back to the very early days when it was me, Becky, and a few others and how scared we were that it wouldn’t grow and be awesome… well, that’s just ridiculous to look back on now. It’s such an amazing site that continues to grow and evolve.

Thank you, Becky, for allowing me to be the Tennille to your Captain and an integral part of such a wonderful group.

But at the same time, I need to say I feel like there is a path leading me elsewhere. I have no clue where that place is, but I see the road laid out in front of me.

Now it’s time to follow.

 

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