Day after day, I see pretty quotes come through Facebook and Twitter and everywhere else saying things like, “The hardest part isn’t finishing, it’s starting” and other such motivational blather.
I say blather because, while it IS hard to start AND to finish, I feel like I’m stuck.
I’m feeling more like this:
It was pretty easy to start running. I quite literally just woke up one day and said I was going to do it. So I did.
It wasn’t “easy” to finish my half marathon 265 days later. But in a way it was.
Motivation pushed me. Your support and willingness to help with my fundraising pushed me. My son and husband were proud of me and that made me get up and out the door for 4, 6, 8, and gasp! 10 mile runs.
Quite honestly, the fear of failure pushed me more than anything. I had said I was going to do something, run a half marathon, and I felt like others were watching for me to follow through. I don’t like to fail, and I certainly don’t like to disappoint people.
But now I’ve done it. I finished my half marathon. Yet I feel unmotivated. Even though I feel like a total badass, I feel like the fire is gone.
Keeping going with it has been the hardest part of the journey. Maybe that’s totally normal, but people just don’t want to put THAT on motivational posters.
Yes, I’m signed up for a second one in November and yes, I’m still running. But not with any regular schedule or extra oomph! I hate every step of the run, yet I love the thrill of the finish. My body has learned what it can and can’t do, so I’m running using its cues instead of a pre-programmed run/walk program. I’ve found my groove. I am a runner.
Actually, I’m one badass mother runner, or so my hat tells me.
So why do I feel like keeping going isn’t going to be easy? How do I motivate myself to kick it back into gear?
ps: You can get the hat here