I hadn’t thought about it like that, but it’s exactly how it feels.

Permanent.

As if the situation could be reversed.

I’ve written a lot of words lately and shed a few (not many, really) tears over this birthday. I can’t believe that it’s been 10 years since my little bundle of love was placed in my arms for the first time.

If you want to read what I’ve written this week, here are a few choices.

Dear 27 Year Old Jana

aThe Day That Love Built

#10ForCharlie

A Rock In Your Shoe

And until next year, Happy Birthday, Charlie!

Tonight we will eat pizza and eat cake and sing as loud as we can so you can hear us!

Starting at midnight, the Ronald McDonald House of Central Georgia will be sponsored by YOU.

Well, technically, it says “by Jason and Jana Anthoine” but really, it was YOU.

So many of you donated to my half marathon fundraising earlier in the year to the tune of $5045.00. Our Charlie’s Angels team of three raised $10,384.30. All going to the Ronald McDonald House of Central Georgia.

A few years ago, when I was actually serving on the Board of Directors, The House started a program called 365 Days of Caring.

It costs approximately $1000 per day to open the doors to serve the 13 families who can use The House nightly. Individuals or groups can support The House by sponsoring a day (or days).

After reaching the $2500 mark, we were given the opportunity to sponsor a day in the 365 Days of Caring program.

Obviously, I chose May 21.

So on Tuesday, May 21, The Ronald McDonald House will be run by all of you who helped support me in my goal to run 13.1 miles. It will be supported by all of you who knew Charlie, who never knew Charlie, who have met us in real life, who only know us online, who are friends and family and people who were met only a few hours before the race started.

May 21 is truly the Day That Love Built. 

And for that, and for you, I am thankful.

If you’re interested in 365 Days of Caring or supporting the Ronald McDonald House of Central GA, see their website.

If you’re interested in doing something fun to remember Charlie, join us for #10ForCharlie this week.

I would suspect that’s normal, though.

I was texting with my friend Karen earlier, and she suggested I make a goal of running 10 miles this week. Then we decided we should ALL make that goal.

BRILLIANT!

This solves a couple of problems for me personally:

One, I’m likely going to eat pizza every night this week since my husband is traveling, so I’ll be able to burn off a few calories.

Two, Henry and I can burn off some energy and (my) anxiety in the evenings with a run around the block.

It seems so very easy, really. Just pick your favorite activity — running, walking, skipping, biking — and log 10 miles this week.

If you tweet, use #10ForCharlie hashtag. If you don’t, let me know on my Facebook page.

Throw on your running shoes and get outside!

Today’s (totally optional) prompt:

What have you fallen out of the habit of doing (or not doing)?

I ran a half marathon in February and I haven’t run anything really substantial since.

I’m Jana and I fell off the running wagon.

But I’m going to jump back on it because I’ve realized what I’ve always figured would never happen: I miss running.

I miss the thrill of the finish, even if it’s not a race. I miss the way my legs burn when I get in my car from a training run.

I miss the way my stomach tightens up even though I can eat a whole pizza right after running 6 miles.

Maybe it was the post-half letdown that people told me about AFTER the fact, or possibly it’s a touch of the funk knowing what time of year it is.

Whatever the case, I slipped off the wagon and I have to jump back on. November 9 will come fast for my second half marathon and I want to be ready!

What wagon have YOU fallen off of?

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Henry has been asking for a blog for a while now, and he will be getting one in a few weeks. But today I invited him to be a guest writer here on my site. I wrote this intro and passed it on to him and Jason to handle. I figured since it wasn’t my favorite day in the world, I could at least make it funny and look at it from a different angle.

Here’s Henry to take the wheel.

****************************

my mom is nice, funny,and fun.one time me and mom went to NYC and went to the zoo then went to the LEGO HEADQUARTERS.

I love my mom beacause she’s good at cooking food.Great at tennis and reading.Fishing too.My mother is happy  when I cook for her and draw her pictures.My mom is good at making cookies and brownies.Also having fun with me and my dog.My mom wants a new car me not to be annoying and a new dress.ONE last thing is to be happy.XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXXOXOXOX HENRY

Thanks to Erin, I got this up before the day was half over. She prompted me to choose a prompt that I’ve actually been thinking a lot about. How do we deal with things? Other people, customers, bosses, family, change…

Today’s (totally optional) prompt: Dealing

I don’t deal well with change. I always think I will and that I’ll just roll with the punches, but when it comes down to it, I don’t deal.

Jason has started traveling for work some. Having him go from working from home to being gone a bit, well, it’s thrown me for a loop. I can’t seem to get myself going to get everything done I should.

It’s too easy to just climb in bed when Henry does, eat cereal for dinner, and hit snooze a few too many times.

When he comes home, I want to not cook and go out to dinner. But he’s eaten dinner out while he was gone, so he wants to eat in. It makes me frustrated. It makes him frustrated.

Oh yeah, and when he does eat out, he sends pictures of it. While I’m eating said bowl of cereal for supper! Fair? I think not…

It’s a good thing, all of it, but the change in routine has me thrown a bit. And honestly, I don’t deal well with that change.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Today’s (totally optional) prompt: Going Home

Home. They say it’s where the heart is.

Some say it’s where your family is.

Sometimes it’s just where your heart starts beating faster, your skin flushes, memories of a time come flooding back, and you find yourself saying out loud, “This is home!”

That’s Auburn for me.

I picked up my roommate from Auburn at the airport and we drove down for a road race this weekend. Both of us upon reaching the city limits, said that THIS is home.

The sights, the smells, the memories… even though it’s been 15 years since we left here to move on with lives, get married, have babies, etc, it’s like we never left. Sure, “home” has gotten new stores, A FREAKING TARGET, a lot more bars, and a lot of facelifts, but it’s the same.

We’re those people now, the ones like our parents used to be when they would drag us to Auburn. The ones who say, “I used to live there. We used to go there on Wednesday nights. That used to be the xyz store.”

We’re like that now because it’s home. It always will be.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

I say blather because, while it IS hard to start AND to finish, I feel like I’m stuck.

I’m feeling more like this:

It was pretty easy to start running. I quite literally just woke up one day and said I was going to do it. So I did.

It wasn’t “easy” to finish my half marathon 265 days later. But in a way it was.

Motivation pushed me. Your support and willingness to help with my fundraising pushed me. My son and husband were proud of me and that made me get up and out the door for 4, 6, 8, and gasp! 10 mile runs.

Quite honestly, the fear of failure pushed me more than anything. I had said I was going to do something, run a half marathon, and I felt like others were watching for me to follow through. I don’t like to fail, and I certainly don’t like to disappoint people.

But now I’ve done it. I finished my half marathon. Yet I feel unmotivated. Even though I feel like a total badass, I feel like the fire is gone.

Keeping going with it has been the hardest part of the journey. Maybe that’s totally normal, but people just don’t want to put THAT on motivational posters.

Yes, I’m signed up for a second one in November and yes, I’m still running. But not with any regular schedule or extra oomph! I hate every step of the run, yet I love the thrill of the finish. My body has learned what it can and can’t do, so I’m running using its cues instead of a pre-programmed run/walk program. I’ve found my groove. I am a runner.

Actually, I’m one badass mother runner, or so my hat tells me.

So why do I feel like keeping going isn’t going to be easy? How do I motivate myself to kick it back into gear?

ps: You can get the hat here

I’m reminded that yes, we all carry our own hurts and hardships. They may seem trivial in the grand scheme of things, but at our core, they weigh on us. When world problems, sick acquaintances, stressful days at work, and more are added, sometimes the world seems to weigh eleven billion pounds — with it all sitting on our shoulders.

But today, I want to read something good. What is something (or multiple things) you’re happy about, looking forward to, proud of that you did… or in the words of Rufus and Chaka Khan, “Tell me something good.”

Today’s (totally optional) Prompt: Tell Me Something Good

I downloaded a new app called Happier. You should get it and add me on there.

Anyway, it prompts you to post something happy three times a day. It’s a great way to focus on some good points in your daily life. Because, well, there are lots.

There have been really good things going on this week, in spite of the news reports. There’s excitement with Jason’s job. I’m enjoying my customers and the spring season.

I’ve been anxiously awaiting next weekend when I will go to Auburn to run a race with my roommate and sorority sister from college. It’s going to be great to start at Toomer’s Corner and end in the stadium.

Henry, in spite of his up and down moods like a 13 year old girl, is one of the most loving kids I know. There’s nothing better than his tall frame snuggling up with me on the sofa after work.

Look for the good. It’s there. It’s ALWAYS there. And good always wins.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Today’s (totally optional) prompt: Moments in Time

The start of spring for me isn’t dictated by the calendar or the temperature. It’s not even dictated by the blooming cherry trees or greening grass.

Whether it’s snowing or 90 degrees, spring officially starts when I have an egg salad sandwich from The Masters and Augusta National. It officially starts when there’s golf on TV and pollen in the air. It starts when Jim Nantz talks over my naps and I wake up to watch the last 8 or 9 holes on Sunday.

Spring starts when Chairman Billy Payne (though I miss Hootie Johnson, really, because BEST NAME EVER) says it does. When Arnie, Jack, and Gary line it up and take shaky but usually perfect tee shots, that rings the bell of time.

Spring has sprung.

It would be even better if Fred would send us a gift, though.

**********************

This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

• Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
• Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
• Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
• Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (in the sidebar). .
• Link up your post below.
• Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.