Look At The Stars…

February 9, 2012 By 16 Comments
Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
And everything you do
Yeah, they were all Yellow.
~Yellow by Coldplay~
 

This week, the world — the Universe — said goodbye to a very special person. Susan Niebur (@whymommy) was a very bright light in the world. One who wore many hats. She wore the hats of wife, mother, sister, daughter, best friend, aunt, NASA scientist, blogger, inflammatory breast cancer butt-kicker and many others.

She also wore the hat of “friend” to so many in the blogosphere, whether they had met Susan or not. I did have the honor and privilege of meeting Susan last summer at Type A Conference where she won the Bloganthropy award. Becky and I had a long conversation with her about a lot of things. The topic turned towards her health somehow and I remember her saying “when I die” and thinking, “not when, but if.”

But Susan knew. She knew that her time was very limited. She talked about being concerned for her children and how they would handle her death. She mentioned things specifically and a few of Band Back Together’s resources were actually made for her specifically, because she needed to know how to handle some things.

I remember giving her a very gentle hug and telling her I would continue to pray for her and her family.

When her husband posted the words we had all known were coming, but didn’t want to hear, I wept. I cried like I would if I heard that one of my dear (in real life) friends had died.

“But she’s just your friend online.”

That’s the thing I want to say. There’s hardly a line between my online friends and my real-life friends (apart from my 3 very best friends in the world) anymore. The line is blurry and almost non-existent. I’ve met so many wonderful people online, a lot of them I would likely never have befriended in real life, though. But the variety of people and the different views that they have, have changed me for the better.

These friends are just like the ones I can see at a party or church, only I’ll likely never meet them. We all worry when kids are sick. We cheer for them when they have a job interview or a big meeting. We want them to share the recipe for that delicious dinner they showed us. We cry when they lose someone special to them or a pet.

We feel helpless when we can’t physically be there to help them.

And we weep and grieve when one of our own dies.

It brings up a very big fear in most of us mothers out there. I’m not afraid of dying, but I am petrified beyond belief of dying and leaving Henry and Jason behind. In fact, it’s so paralyzing, my heart rate is up just typing that.

When I was telling Jason about Susan the other night, he got very bothered thinking about what would happen if I died. The first thing he said was, “I wouldn’t know who to tell. I don’t know how to tell all your friends that are online. You have to leave me very specific instructions.“

I actually have a file on my desktop that’s called OPEN IF I DIE. I need to update it, but essentially it has all my login information and very specific instructions on who to tell and how to be able to tell them.

I urge you to do the same. Just as you would have a will and life insurance (YOU SHOULD HAVE THOSE THINGS NOW!), in this day and age, you should have a document that tells someone what to do to let your friends online know of anything that has happened. Do it for Susan. Because I feel 100% certain her husband had specific instructions on how to share her death with those who loved her dearly.

Since Monday, Coldplay’s song Yellow, one of my favorites, has been in my head. The lyrics are at the top. I feel like Susan’s aura was yellow above all so I went and looked it up.

Yellow is the color of awakening, inspiration, intelligence and action shared, creative, playful, optimistic, easy-going.

I see Susan in all of those words. And I will forever see her in every star and moon.

Thank you, Susan, for being an inspiration. Thank you for sharing of yourself, your struggles, your celebrations and your life. Thank you for paving the way for women in science and advocating for breast cancer patients. We are all better people for knowing you.

And I’m forever grateful for the one gentle hug I was able to give you.

Rest well and shine bright on your family today and always.

Image: Flickr user Cano Vääri

Filed Under: Friends, Serious Stuff, Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , ,

What’s In A Name?

February 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Do you know that Henry’s middle name is Love?

Since February is all smooshy mooshy lovey dovey with Valentine’s Day and stuff, Band Back Together is spotlighting Hearts and Love.

I wrote about Love and what it looks like to me.

You should go read it.

(ps: I’ve been told it’s made a few people cry. Be warned.)

CLICK ME!

Oh, I almost forgot. While you’re clicking around, can you head over and vote for Band Back Together for a 2012 Bloggie Award? We’re nominated for THREE categories.

Thanks, y’all!

 

 

Filed Under: BandBackTogether, Henry Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Open Letter To PSU Students

November 10, 2011 By 24 Comments

Dear Penn State Students:

I come to you today to ask you to stop. Please, just stop.

Stop rioting, stop talking, stop chanting, stop.

I understand wholeheartedly how it feels to love your school so intensely. This situation isn’t about loving your school, though.  This situation isn’t about football or basketball or even superior academics.

This situation that’s unfolding, and will continue to unfold and get bigger, trumps anything school-related. It’s about people. Victims being irreparably damaged and adults not protecting children.

Students, I don’t expect you to really get it. You’re still young and naive. You don’t have the gift of experience and this probably seems like a crime against Paterno to you right now.

Let me tell you this.

This is bigger than Joe Paterno and his decades of coaching and hundreds of wins. This is bigger than national titles and bowl wins. 

Ten year old boys were allowed to be sexually assaulted and raped on school property with witnesses who yes, told their superiors, but who (allegedly) never followed up on it. HOW IN THE HELL DO THEY SLEEP AT NIGHT? How do the superiors, Joe Paterno, the AD, the President of the University sleep at night?

Students, do you think that if you saw that happen you would be able to sleep at night? Do you really think that you wouldn’t make sure somebody knew about it who would do something? What if this was your little cousin and you saw his coach raping him in the shower? Would you not protect him?

Maybe you wouldn’t. Maybe you’re too young to understand it all.

But let me tell you this. From this minute forward, you are educated and are no longer naive. You have knowledge about what to do if you see or hear or know about sexual abuse or rape. YOU TELL SOMEBODY. You tell a cop or a doctor or a teacher. You tell your parents or your best friend. Tell anybody who can help you get action going.

You call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673. 

You can save somebody’s life.

Even though the victims of this abuse are still living and being (I assume) productive members of society, they are forever changed. They have had their innocence and trust taken from them by somebody who, after he didn’t get caught the first time, got away with it.

I urge you to do this, students. Instead of appearing selfish and shallow, rioting because the Board of Directors fired your idol, kindly and firmly ask your school to continue making a statement. The statement needs to be that this won’t be tolerated and they don’t support anyone who had any knowledge of this. Anyone involved should be terminated and (in my opinion) prosecuted within the parameters of the law.

That statement will be bigger than you pushing over a news van. (Which, if they haven’t told you yet, your parents are disappointed in you for. They’re also disappointed that they didn’t teach you any better.)

I also urge you to learn about sexual abuse and child molestation. It’s a real problem. It’s not only sick and disgusting, but it’s life-changing for victims. It’s like bullying. I know you’ve been talked to about bullying. If you get bullied and you tell someone, the problem will be dealt with and future bullying victims can be spared. Same deal here, kids.

You’ll change a life. You’ll change LIVES.

So students of Penn State. Love your school. Hate what’s been done. But use your anger for good. Demand justice and then start rebuilding the reputation of your school. Joe Paterno’s not a fall-guy like you think. He’s an accomplice. Whether he legally did what he was supposed to or not, he morally didn’t.

He didn’t fight for kids he claimed to love.

Would he have fought for you?

Sincerely,

Jana

If you know someone who has been sexually assaulted, raped or sexually abused OR know someone who has performed these acts on others, PLEASE use your voice to report them. Whether they are a family member, a friend, a co-worker, YOU WILL SAVE A LIFE and help protect other victims. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673. 

To teach your children about using their voice to say NO! and to empower them to tell a parent, teacher or other person who will help them, check out the book Fred The Fox Shouts NO! by Tatiana K. Matthews. 

 **I want to add another thought. I have several friends who are Penn State graduates, and they are devastated by this. They’re sad that Joe Paterno has had to go out like this, but mostly they are sad that these crimes weren’t reported. They are mad and upset and likely embarrassed. They love their school but some are having a hard time processing all of this. My friend Amy is one of those.

I’m also aware that the students rioting and acting like children don’t represent the entire student body. However, all students and parents and children can take lessons from this story.

Filed Under: Serious Stuff Tagged With: , , , ,

Too Much To Do!

October 17, 2011 By 3 Comments

Oh, my to do list is as long as the wait for a new Apple product. Jeez…

So today, I’m just going to share a few things with you.

I’m honored today to be on a great site called Found The Marbles. While most of y’all might think I’ve LOST my marbles, I’ve actually found them!

Owning Your Story and Finding Your Calling

Over the weekend, we celebrated and remembered our babies that have been lost to miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death. I shared some thoughts on Band Back Together about the differences between THEN and NOW.

Thoughts From A Mom: Eight Years Later

This morning, my friend Law-Momma posted on her site a post that really hit home. It’s about perspective and blessings. And it’s a must-read.

First World Problems

Feeling a little confused by Occupy*InsertUSCityHere* like I am? Well, my buddy Avitable has a great post about it. I think we ALL can appreciate what he has to say.

Occupy Avitable

Have you checked out the new blog for Buck Jones Nursery that I’m working on? It looks great, if I may say so myself!

Gardeners Helping Gardeners

And last, but certainly not least, if you haven’t entered to win the Fred The Fox Shouts “NO!” book, you have until 6pm Eastern tonight to do so. In case you don’t win, though, you can buy a copy of the book HERE.

Teaching the Hard Stuff: Introducing Fred The Fox

I hope you all have a beautiful Monday!

Filed Under: Blogs Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,

October 15, 2011: Remembering “The Club’s” Babies

October 15, 2011 By 7 Comments
“If you know someone who has lost a child, and you’re afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died–you’re not reminding them.
They didn’t forget they died.
What you’re reminding them of is that you remembered that they lived, and…that is a great gift.”
~Elizabeth Edwards~

Today, October 15, is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. In 2006, after years of pushing for it, the day was recognized by the House of Representatives. In 1988, President Reagan had declared October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. But in my opinion, celebrating this day for ONE day is much easier for a parent who has lost a child than for the whole month.

The International Wave of Light is the simultaneous lighting of candles in memory of these babies lost to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss at 7pm in your local time zone tonight. The result is a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for a 24 hour period. Just think about that for a minute. How beautiful!

So tonight at 7pm, wherever you are, light a candle or say a prayer (or do what you do) in memory of all the baby angels that are watching over us and in honor of all the parents left behind to grieve the loss of dreams and bright futures for their children.

These are my special Angels and members of The Club I will be lighting a candle for tonight:

  • Our first baby: Junebug - lost to miscarriage at 13 weeks, June 19, 2002
  • Our second baby: Charles “Charlie” Fleetwood Anthoine - died at 24 days old from late-onset Group B Strep, born May 21, 2003 and died June 14, 2003 – his story here
  • Laura Kaye Anthoine - October 20, 1969-April 3, 1981 – Daughter of Kaye and Roy, Sister of my husband Jason
  • The daughter of Pam Doherty, Hannah Noelle MacDonald was born still on February 3, 2003 from Group B Strep sepsis. Her father is John MacDonald.
  • Oliver Nelson Wright, son of Chris and Danna Wright, baby brother to Walker – Born and died October 2, 2010.
  • Stephanie and Anna Causley - daughters of Paul and Robyn Causley – miscarriages at 12 and 6 weeks, respectively in 2003.
  • Sara Kay - born still September 7, 2009
  • Susan and Matt’s baby - miscarriage at 12 weeks – December 25, 1999
  • Emma Jade - Kat’s sweet baby – miscarriage at 9 weeks in 2001
  • Cara Jennifer - daughter of Carrie-Ann – born and died on August 17, 2010 – lived 12 minutes
  • Jill and Kyle Clay’s babies - Baby Clay, miscarriage October 2004 and Baby Clay , miscarriage October 2005 – both around 10 weeks
  • Allison Reid - daughter of Robin and Sean Reid – though she was not an infant when she died, she contracted the same bacteria that Charlie did and suffered long-term challenges. Allison was born on March 1, 2002 and died on January 25, 2008. I had the honor of meeting Allison and she was a fabulous fighter.
  • Cason Heard Adams- January 27, 1989-December 4, 2001 , was called home to live with the angels. He was a bright light to all that knew him and is greatly missed everyday by his family and friends.
  • Cora Mae McCormick - November 30, 2009 to December 6, 2009
  • Skye, Dakota and Martina - Nanna Chris and Mommy Staci and Little Sister Joclynn’s triplets – July 7th, 2007
  • Drew and Amanda’s Baby - miscarriage October 6, 2010
  • Brianna Elizabeth Franzen – Daughter of my co-worker, Julie. Born January 29, 1998 and died March 7, 1998 from a heart defect.
  • Cecily’s Sons - Nicholas and Zachary, October 27, 2004
  • Erin’s Babies - Baby 1, September 2006, miscarriage; Baby 2, January 2007, miscarriage; Baby Girl 1, December 2008, late miscarriage; Baby Girl 2, born still on August 17, 2009 at 18 weeks.
  • Elizabeth Anne’s Baby – Baby Childs, miscarried June 12, 2006
  • Elizabeth Anne’s Friend’s Son – Jonah Oliver, delivered and died on Thanksgiving Day 1997 at 18 weeks gestation.
  • Becca’s friend’s daughter – Chandler Rivers, born 13 weeks early and died a week before her due date.
  • Jessica and Mark’s Daughter: Hadley Jane, born 10/9/07 and died 10/11/07
  • Chrissi’s Son: Tyler, born March 22, 2997 and died September 15, 2003

** I will add babies if you email me at janasthinkingplace@me.com to tell me you want me to add your angel. I know there are so many more, but I don’t want to publish without your permission. These are from last year and I’ve added new ones. I have also decided to add older children because really, they’re all our babies.**

There are wonderful resources for parents who have lost a child, are battling infertility, are facing chronic illnesses with their children and many other topics over at Band Back Together. Check it out if you haven’t already!

Filed Under: Thoughts Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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