Apart. Part 2.

A few months ago, I wrote about Jason and I deciding to separate. It wasn’t an easy decision or one that was come to quickly. Much thought was put into it and much care was taken to do it the best way possible for both of us and especially for Henry. It has worked very nicely.

The boys took a vacation. Henry and I spent lots of time together. We all three did a few things together. Pretty sure we even laughed, cried, and got a little pissed off at some point.

But after a summer living apart, we’ve decided we like “us” this way. Apart. So apart we will stay.

(yes, you can read into that that we’re getting a divorce)

I can say with 100% certainty, being apart has brought us closer. Not closer as husband and wife, but closer as friends. And more importantly, closer as parents of Henry.

So here’s where we choose to go — our separate ways, which aren’t really separate at all. We will always be connected and always hold a certain love for one another.

There are things that no other person in this world could ever share with us that we have shared together. Only the two of us will ever be able to share the moment when we were told our Charlie would die. Only the two of us will ever be able to share Henry’s first cries and first broken arm and first days of school. Only the two of us will be able to share all our professional ups and downs of the last 17 years, our health ups and downs, and even our emotional ups and downs.

September 26 will be 17 years since we said “I do” on the St. Augustine lawn at The King and Prince in St. Simons. I’m not sure if we will still be married then or if it will all be final, but for the rest of my years, I’ll remember the feel of that grass under my feet as a 22-year-old Jana married the man she loved.

He will always be special. Always be part of me. Always be loved.

But now we both get to go and find our new happy, new life, and hopefully even new love.

Wish us all luck!

Apart.

Apart.

It’s an adverb, used with verbs like drift, grow, or live.

It describes how our hearts have grown over the years. Apart.

Our love has drifted and now we have chosen to live that way. Apart.

It wasn’t a split second decision. And the details aren’t important.

Apart, for now, is how we will be.

Will it be permanent? We don’t know.

But for now it’s where we find ourselves.

We’ve grown to this place and hope that in the apartness, we can both drift towards our individual happiness or newfound togetherness.

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